Despite India being known for it's spiritualistic retreats and peaceful composure it does, to say the least leave you bewildered and dishevelled when out and about on it's streets and in it's shops. If anyone invites you into their homes, you are greeted with hospitality fit for a Queen, in public however it will be as if you don't exist in the queue or on the road.
(except in my case being blonde, only to be acknowledged by strangers via staring/questioning/stroking and general invasive intrigue)
Whilst the Indian nature is one of meek and mild composure, put a steering wheel between it's hands and you've got a deranged psychotic lunatic in your sight, stick a cabbage and a kit kat in the same hands at the till at the grocery store and you've got Hannibal Lector on crack.
I've spoken before about words that don't need to exist here (convenience/simple/schedule/time-frame) the word Queue is also redundant, although a line starts to form initially, one by one people will do anything to get in front of everyone else, going to extraordinary lengths to be served first. Once a man came behind me as I was placing my grocery basket at the till, put his arms around me and waved his goods in the face of the cashier, by the time he was done another man had walked round to the other side of the till to do the same act. (but without the groping) And should the BBC ever film a documentary about the Big Bazaar when a sale is on, the rest of the world would watch it and assume civil unrest had broken out.
Then yesterday, as if by magic, it finally happened, after three long years of having to do reps with my basket as to avoid the constant pushing in, raising my arms as if to win Miss Universe, a girl actually asked me if it was ok to pay for her cabbage and kit kat first... I mean actually said 'do you mind?'
Flabbergasted I was just about to ask her which part of the British Isles she was from but no she was actually Indian, inevitably I came to know this as she didn't finalise the full manners contractual agreement with the 'thank you acknowledgement' once her purchases had concluded but still, what a breakthrough for Miss Manners.
However these manners turned out to be short lived and a clearly isolated incident as once back on the road the hell that continues to break loose, did so. Despite there being segregated lanes and fully developed Dual Carriageways, if a driver isn't at the front at the red light, he will either create a new lane, or more commonly just go through the red light, beeping his horn at the unsuspecting oncoming traffic. Indicators are optional extras and could be individually sold as 'brand new, unused' and why would you want to do a U-turn? When it's clearly far more safe and sensible just to drive on the wrong side of the road instead (N)
But what about The Rules Of The Indian Roads I hear you cry?
......Blank space indicates there aren't any
There is actually NO Highway code at all.. Infact the disregarders for the Highway Code will not only disregard the Highway Code but they will also avert a straight path to mow you down (think iron filings to magnets) and people who are on course to mow you down will inevitably...
b) divert their route to follow you
c) crash into a similar vehicle doing a similar thing whilst taking what they think is surreptitious, but is in fact BLATANT photo's of you on their phones (usually pretending to scratch their noses with their phones whilst doing so) this leads in turn to the inevitable pointing at you from others and talking about you without shame, which in Miss Manners world is not only rude but just downright offensive.
And here's another sorry tale, as I'm sure avid (or bored with nothing else to do) readers are now familiar with the ongoing saga with our soon to be new neighbours, so here is a little update for you....
Do you think they have still braced any of us with the life expectancy (so far 6 solid weeks) of banging, drilling??? No, of course not, a simple knock on the door with a quick 'Hi we will be your new neighbours shortly but in the meantime I'm afraid there will be a lot of unavoidable building work, sorry'
(this is obviously how my imaginary meet and greet goes with them as they haven't even shown their faces, not once)
When we went to complain on Christmas day, the workmen merely said they had been instructed to work round the clock, not a care in sight for the people enjoying family time around them, New Years Eve came and went, however the drilling and banging just came but never went. So most of January has passed now and despite being informed, last year that the project would be finished in a few days (Indian terminology for anytime between now and the 12th of Never) the other day Miss Manners finally flipped and went Mad(ras).
And what good did it do you ask?
...Blank space indicates it did Jack Poo
In completely unrelated news, it was 'Republic Day' yesterday. As I'm not from a Republic (or even a Republican) country I'm not really sure of the ins and outs of it, but it was lovely to see all the kids out on their bikes waving their flags so proudly and there was a parade.
Well anyways as a result of it, this was last nights 'Republic' dinner...
Spiced Seared Fish
2 skinless, boneless white fish fillets
equal parts - cumin/coriander/garam masala/chilli powder
Cracked black pepper + salt to taste
sprinkle of lemon juice
splash of wine
knob of butter & splash of olive oil
2 scallions/spring onions
handful of sliced mushrooms
1-2 cups of stock (I used chicken)
Bunch of cilantro/coriander leaf chopped + extra for garnish
6-8 medium sized potatoes, boiled & mashed with butter, milk, black pepper, garam masala, grated parmesan & salt
Rub mixed spices & seasoning on fish with a little lemon juice & wine & sear in a non-stick pan in a little butter & olive oil
Transfer to a grill tray
In the same pan heat a little more of the butter & oil & gently saute scallions/spring onions add a few chopped mushrooms & another splash of wine & lemon juice
Add the stock a cup at a time, bring to the boil, reduce heat & simmer
Add half of the chopped cilantro/coriander leaf & stir in
Taste and season as needed
Set the grill to high and finish off the fish fillets until cooked
When sauce is reduced remove from heat, add more chopped cilantro
(if the sauce needs to be thicker add a couple of teaspoons of mash and stir in)
Plate up, season & garnish
Serve, Enjoy... No elbows on the table please ;)
