Monday, 21 May 2012

only mad dogs and english(wo)men go out in the mid day sun

"The Japanese don't care to,
the Chinese wouldn't dare to,
Hindus & Argentines, 
sleep firmly from twelve to one,
but English(wo)men detest a siesta.
In the Philippines 
they have lovely screens
to protect you from the glare.
In the Malay states
there are hats like plates
which the British won't wear.
At twelve noon, the natives swoon,
and no further work is done
But Mad Dogs & English(wo)men 
go out in the mid day sun" 
Noel Coward




Madcap May Recap


1. We moved house, where I managed to achieved a substantial collection of fanciful bruises, which I acquired moving, arranging, then re arranging furniture, (multiple times) all I may add during the hottest May I have ever encountered
2. We tried a new restaurant out  
3. The new neighbours finally stopped banging and naturally chose to move in on the day we moved out, hence an 'elevator battle' commenced.
4. I had to go for a scary scan (all was well, let's not be worried)
5. The most offensively sexist Advert aired on Indian TV (all isn't well on this front, women need to be very worried)




1. Bruises & Boiling
I'm not sure I have ever met anyone who bruises as easily as I do, not even Natasha Bedingfield and she wrote a song about the issue, If I'm so much as brushed by there's a bruise, so as I had to do a lot of furniture shifting it's more than safe to say I look like I've gone a few rounds with Tyson.
During moving, the heat was so intense I actually thought the sun had fallen out of the sky and had chosen to relocate to our kitchen balcony, oh yes and The Loo arrived...





The 
Loo (Hindi: लू, Urdu: لو, Punjabi: ਲੂ) is a strong, hot and dry summer afternoon wind from the west which blows over the western Indo-Gangetic Plain region of North India and Pakistan.[1] It is especially strong in the months of May and June. Due to its very high temperatures (45 -°C–50 °C or 115°F-120°F), exposure to it often leads to fatal heatstrokes.[1] *source wiki






I suspect it's called The Loo, because it's absolute pants and when it's accompanied by a 50C/120F temperature you can really enjoy the full benefits of it as a delightful array of sand/dust/debris, streams through the house every afternoon, rather extra in the delightful catagory as we really only had half a kitchen (think a work top and sink combo) and absolutely no shelves or cupboards, we really have been living the dream , having to dust every single cup.plate/bowl/spoon every time we want to use them, oh and as an added special treat hot water is coming out of the cold tap, which is so very refreshing . So for the last couple of weeks what katy ate next was mainly take out and dine out, which brings me nicely to...


2. The Birthday Buffetless Buffet
Technically it was my birthday in April but due to a pesky cold and cough and the dramas of No.4 we held off going out to celebrate, by the time we did we had kind of actually forgotten it was a birthday celebration, which after this dining experience was just as well.
I had been wanting to try the Authentic Italian Brunch Buffet at a new trendy restaurant in the city, technically I had been before with a friend for lunch and had a fairly decent meal, not that I could see it it was so dark in there (it made Disneyland's Haunted Mansion look positively illuminated) we had to ask for a torch to read the menu) anyways I received an e-mail with regards to their Authentic Italian Brunch Buffet and reading it back in hindsight I should really have seen the comedy of errors coming our way



DEAR SIR/MADAM...
AS YOU ARE OUR VALUED GUEST.
 I FEEL PLEASED TO INVITE YOU ON OUR SUNDAY BRUNCH BUFFET.
INTRODUCING A VERY FRESH MENU INCLUDES..VEG / NON VEG MOUTHWATERING AUTHENTIC ITALIAN CUISINS.
 PLEASE USE THIS APPORTUNITY TO SATISFY YOUR TASTEBUDS.
IT BECOMES MORE CONVINCING WHEN  IT HAVE  A "TADKA" OF
A PINT OF BEER OR A GLASS OF WINE 
WE ARE EAGERLY AWAITING FOR GRACIOUS PRESENCE
EXPECT SUCH MORE SURPRISES HAPPENING IN YOUR FAVOURATE RESTAURENT
THANKS AND REGARDS
MANAGER

If any of this makes sense to you then you might quite enjoy it. I spotted six spelling mistakes and an entirety of grammatical errors (see if you can spot more) We arrived about one o'clock and were seated, this time it was a little brighter (two torches instead of one) and we were informed about the substantial buffet and pizza and pasta so we eagerly went to check out the so called 'authentic mouthwatering delights'
The first thing that caught BF's eye was the  'Cold Slow' (could have been worse I suppose, it could have been cold sore) and then we went on to sample the rest of the dishes, oh wait, aside from a beet salad, some tinned sweetcorn arranged on a platter with some fashionable sliced red onion and a rather tired dry bunch of lettuce leaves (oh lest we forget the pitta bed toasts - pitta that well known authentic Italian bread) there wasn't any. I'm forgetting there was a cold tomato soup (Gazpacho being that other authentic Italian food) which was absolutely ghastly and tasted how I expect body fluids to do. It was literally a Buffetless Buffet'
Next if we were asked if we wanted the pizza/pasta combo, of course we did idiot, here the choices were as follows:-


Pasta - Veg or non Veg (veg being farfalle pasta in tomato soup/non veg being pasta in tomato juice with chunks of chicken) 
Pizza - Veg or non Veg (veg being burnt crust pizza base with same tomato juice on top/non veg being burnt crust pizza with same tomato soup with chunks of chicken)


As you can imagine we were overwhelmed with the choice so we opted for non veg pasta and non veg pizza. When it arrived we were astounded by the lack of vegetables or garlic or onion, or herbs or even salt & pepper. NO seasoning whatsoever, except it had a spice to it (like the chef had just sprinkled chili powder into a can of Libby's. Due to no seasoning the pasta was bland, yet spicy at the same time, I've never actually had bland spicy food before so hat's off to the chef (who, coincidentally was wearing a very big hat) but we were hungry, so we ate and BF enjoyed playing the drums with his pizza crust drum sticks (yes it was that burnt) we got back to the house to do the final moving stuff to discover, yes we were moving the same day as the noisy neighbours from hell...


3. The Elevator Wars
Elevator wars are a bit like Star Wars but without nearly all of the special effects, the first round consists of playing 'who can push the button on their floor first' the second round is 'who can hold the door open the longest so the other team can't press the button'
As I have a good seven months of pent up anger with these guys I was only too happy to put up with the most distasteful noise an ear drum can endure (aka our elevator's door alarm) to ensure I commanded it for up to an hour at a time, didn't really need to, just for laughs really. Anyways we had had other things on our mind which brings me to the pesky and testy test...


4. I'm A Hyperventilating Hypochondriac *Fact
As I have always suffered from hypochondria, I always assume the worst, if I have a headache it's obviously only a matter of time before my brain implodes, if I bump my head (which I did the night before last when a curtain pole fell on it) I automatically assume wait for that fatal clot which will form in the night and a stroke will ensue, so upon discovering a lump, I was rather worried. Also I have a lingering tickly cough which is just bound to be tuberculosis. But after going for a scan and a check up I was put at ease and told to come back in a month just to make sure.

Things started to slowly get organised and I even manage to semi organise the kitchen and rustle up some dinners and I slowly started to calm down and relax a bit after the stressful events of the month and one day, when enjoying a particularly humorous episode of Come Dine With Me..... BOOM POW the Micromax commercial came on....


5. The Less Smart more Sexist Phone
As I don't want to increase my blood pressure any more (as I'm convinced this would bring on full internal body combustion) I'm not going to say anything further about this other than 'only in India'

But if you enjoy sexism, the Indian way, here is the link to it:-





You can watch it whilst I rustle up some dinner


fish & mushroom ragout




2 white skinless, boneless fish fillets
couple of ripe plum tomatoes, sliced lengthways
handful of mixed bell peppers
handful of mushrooms
2 cups of chicken stock
1 red onion diced
glug of olive oil
splash of lemon juice
handful of sliced black olives
bunch of fresh coriander leaves
1/2 cup of finely grated cheese (I used Gouda)
splash of white wine
1 tsp each of cumin, coriander, garam masala powder
chilli powder + s&p to taste


soak fish fillets in water, drain & pat dry
marinade with a little of the wine, oil + half the spices
season with s&p, refrigerate for about 20 minutes
heat a skillet with a little more oil & sear the fish 
remove and transfer to a foil lined grill tray

in the same pan, soften the onion 
add the spices & wine
turn up the heat to reduce the wine
add the mushrooms and peppers to cook
add stock, reduce heat & simmer until vegetables are cooked
meanwhile heat grill/broiler 
place the tomatoes on the fish & grill till cooked
add olives, cheese & some chopped coriander leaves to the sauce
serve fish on a bed of mash potatoes or rice
spoon sauce over & check seasoning 
finish with a little more cheese sprinkles & coriander leaves


























































7 comments:

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  7. Sooooo, I've been waiting for you to post again. I wasn't going to say anything, but now I am. You're a cool British lady living in India. That's pretty much a set up for the coolest blog ever.

    I'm not saying anymore. You know what to do.

    Also, I have 5 bruises on my legs. I have no idea how I got any of them, but one might be from when my dog breathed on me.

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