Monday, 2 April 2012

MYTH busting for FACT fans


The Guru Maharishi Yogi: Hello, do you want to be a Hindu?
Woman: Yes, I have always wanted to become a Hindu.
The Guru Maharishi Yogi: Well, you can't! Have a nice day"

goodness gracious me


This ones been a long time coming, I've spoken before about the stupid things curious Indians have asked me - (see FAQ's) but very little about the stupid things Westerners ask me about India and living in India, personally I think there are two major reasons to blame for the Western idea of India
1. The BBC for their ludicrously misinterpreted documentaries, showing us freaks in small villages, oh I'm sure they exist but I have been to many a small village in England and seen loads of freaks (Maypole Dancers for instance)
2. Slumdog Millionaire Now don't get me wrong Slumdog is a great film but if I had a rupee for everytime anyone asked me if living in India was just like that film I'd not only not be a Slumdog but I certainly would be a millionaire, so turning the tables somewhat this week we are going to be Western Indian Myth busting, let's separate the fiction from the facts...


The MYTHical Highway
1. Transport
Exhibit A I once put up a status update on Facebook about how busy the Flyover traffic was that day and a supposedly intelligent friend of mine unbelievably commented "There are cars? In India?"  YES! As shocking as it seems our usual form of transportation isn't via donkey or camel it's actual CARS....






...Regular cars 
The (F)actual Highway
Ok granted technically I've never seen a Cadillac or a sporting green Mini but all the regular brands such as ford, BMW, Mercedes and all those silly named Japanese brands, with names that end in ZKI are available, we even have Gas Stations, with automated payment pumps and these fully fuelled cars drive on real life Highways, just like back home, well not exactly like at home because as you recall we have also spoken at length about the lack of a Highway Code, (see miss manners goes madras) but there are highways NOT Donkey trails


2. Electricity
The MYTHical form of communication





Exhibit B
Whilst trying to catch up with an old
friend on line, also allegedly 
intelligent, I signed into Facebook chat and said Hi and he was astounded to discover I was on the Internet & the conversation went a little something
like this...





supposedly intelligent friend
 "how are you on Facebook in India?"
me
"by the process of logging in, like the rest of the word"
supposedly intelligent friend
"but how do you have the Internet in India?"
me
"Via a broadband service provider & router, like the rest of the world"
supposedly intelligent friend
"Wow, I didn't think India even had electricity"
me
"                                                  "
(speechless)



(F)actual form of communication
Now don't get me wrong, the Indian electricity board are prone to a little inconsistency but in all fairness to them in a country where it hardly ever rains, sometimes the temperatures soars above 50C/130F and there is a population of 1.2 billion, I'd defy even the sturdiest of National Grids not to buckle occasionally. But for the love of God I swear people think I live in a Tribal Village, and walk barefoot every day to go slay my own food which leads me to....






3. Habitat
MYTHical Habitat
Exhibit C
I know it appears to everyone who watches the Discovery Channel and Gordon Ramsay's extremely irritating show about Indian cooking & eating habits and I am sure there are some villages still continuing the traditional lifestyle BUT NOT ALL OF INDIA IS BACKWARDS!!!!








(F)actual Habitat
In the cities we have sky scrapers 
modern office buildings, apartment
blocks, shopping Malls , KFC,
MacDonald's, CPK etc etc all of it, it's crazy but it's true. I once even had a friend comment "when will you be living somewhere more normal?" (???) which I thought was strange as I was making fish and chips and watching Top Gear at the time.








Anyways if you are reading this in the West, don't always believe what Gordon Ramsay/The Discovery Channel or the BBC documentaries would have you believe and if your reading this in India don't always assume that Bollywood, which portrays all Westerners as wayward and immoral, is correct either, in fact for either culture don't assume anything about anywhere unless you have experienced it first hand and even if you're reading this on Mars you can all enjoy this simple spiced up version of the traditional English Fayre as much as we did....




 f i s h & c h i p s











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